THAT ONE PERSON YANG TAK PERFORM. And a little of my advice.

Pernah tak jadi student yang tak confident bila present dekat depan kelas? Pernah tak jadi orang yang ditegur perihal cara penyampaian atau perihal confidence level rendah lepas present dekat depan especially for group presentation? To be honest, tipu laa kalau I sendiri tak pernah experience situasi tuu kan. Unless you memang jenis lenjan je present dekat depan orang ramai regardless of whatever topic you are presenting.

Baru-baru ni I was responsible and am the person yang dimention diatas. I was the under performed student in the group. But knowing that, I have to look at the situation in a positive manner. I thought to myself, at least my other team members will have a better presentation marks since I didn’t perform that much. It’s like I’m helping them in one way. It doesn’t feel good to be the worst among others, but in a group, there will be one on top, and there will be someone who will have to be at the bottom. Apparently, I am the one at the bottom.

I always have this conversation with myself where I doubt myself if I will ever be the best among the group. If I will ever be the one people noticed when I walk around. If I will ever be noticed by people around me for not being myself. I am confident that the time will come for me to bloom, but meanwhile, I just have to stay here, be a green bud, blending with all the leaves around me, before I can grow, and bloom becoming the person that is important and relevant at that time. Siapa je tak nak become successful? Tell me one person who doesn’t want to excel in what they are doing. I bet you can’t name one. Even housewives have their own goals to become the best and amazing housewife they can be.

I am currently frustrated and not motivated to excel in anything except do crafting and I miss math so much! I was looking around and found some good courses but the tuition fee was… Ya Tuhan, expensive nak mampuih! I know my parents can afford it but given my situation, I don’t want to depend on them solely although it is their responsibility to provide education for me. I am currently in my final year in a course that I thought was my calling, but I am unhappy and it is really hard for me to finish up and complete this course. I can’t afford to disappoint my parents by dropping out of school and pursue something else. Not achieving second upper class upon graduation would definitely crush them. And to be honest, my result isn’t that good and it is in the verge of crossing the line to a lower graduation class.

Well I’m very sorry that you have to read all these nonsense about my student life. I had to get it out of my system one way or another. People say, love must go on, and that is what I am trying to do. I’ll just be a zombie who lives on caffeine every morning and doing everything just to pass the subjects. I guess that is all for this post. One thing I want to advice people is, go for what you want and passionate about. Don’t do things just for the sake of other people. From my experience, you’ll be okay at first, but it will eat you up later especially at the end of the journey. Search your passion, dive into the prospects and positive future endeavor, and explain it carefully to those important people (read: parents/people who are gone finance your school). Make them understand the pathway and the outcomes and possible work waiting for you when you graduate. Explain to them thoroughly and don’t be mad at them if they decline. Just keep trying and keep persistence until they give up and give what you want. Make a deal, propose a proposal, do anything that will make them believe in you and have faith in you.

To all those yang tengah peninpenin nak pilih courses, especially for those yg after Matrix, Asasi, or STPM, question yourself, you nak pursue apa in your life? What is your main goal in terms of education? What do you want to do? You guys have approximately a few moths before registering to university for degree or diploma. Think about it meanwhile. Explore, go meet people related to the courses that you are interested in, try working in the environment of your possible future endeavor. This will help in making your pathway clear and easier to explain to people/parents about your choices.

I hope my advice helped and I am sorry that I jumped form one thing to another real quick. Till net time.

Love,

A.